A true amend would be giving him $20 back along with the apology. Unfortunately, there are many things that we do in our using that we can not rectify with tangible goods or direct amends. What about the late nights that we kept our parents up worrying? What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created? Sometimes direct amends are not possible, and this is where living amends come into play.

• It would be nice if the above outcomes were universal—but they aren’t (of course).
• Providers who advertise with us must be verified by our Research Team and we clearly mark their status as advertisers.
• Children don’t need to hear about the disease of alcoholism or the Twelve Steps.
• Whether it be promising to “comprehend the word serenity” or “know peace”, the promises serve as a guide for individuals on their journey towards recovery.

Improved Mental Health

These promises focus on rebuilding your relationship with a loved one and moving forward from the pain of the past. Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here. By addressing these common misconceptions, we hope to clarify the true meaning and relevance of the big book promisess to those in recovery. By embracing these promises and working the 12-step program, individuals can find hope, motivation, and a path towards self-improvement and lasting sobriety.

The Science of Step 9 AA: How Making Amends Can Help

What comes up may be feelings of guilt, shame, or something else entirely. The theme of making amends is forgiveness, and although it is one of the steps people may not like, it comes at this point in the AA journey for a reason. It means the person has come to a point living amends where they are ready to move forward through this step, but it takes some finesse to do it without causing more harm to loved ones. Making amends requires the individual to correct their mistake. This action can demonstrate the person’s new way of life in recovery.

Take the Next Steps:

Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts. Constitutions are often amended when people change their minds about what the government should do. Constitutional amendments usually must be approved by both the parliament or legislature and a referendum – a vote by all citizens in a country. I didn’t want to make that amend, but I was sponsoring a guy through the Big Book, and it was eating at me.

I thought I blew it, but my sponsor said that it actually was a powerful experience, because now I knew how to approach the rest of my amends. The first amends I made was to a restaurant where I used to work in New Hampshire. In my head I was expecting to get relief from making the amends. I wasn’t thinking about what I could do for my former boss. I was only thinking about how I was going to feel coming out of it, because I was expecting a spiritual experience.

Where Do You Start with Step 9 AA?

• Wilson met Akron surgeon Robert Smith at an Oxford Group meeting.
• Part of healing the past is owning the wrongs we have made towards people and places while living in our addiction.

Having had a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward. Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds.

Graduate School of Addiction Studies

It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair.

• Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well.
• Most contracts are written with rules about amendments, like if they are allowed, who must agree to them, and when they go into effect.
• It’s a transformational part of addiction recovery that takes courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to change.
• On the opposite side of the street are those individuals who simply say, “All of my amends would hurt people.

What Are the 12 Principles of AA?